The Personal Ad

As Popeye,

I’m seeking a new Olive Oyl to sail a sea of endless sunsets.

Must have personality first & be willing to drive a boat.

By applying you’ll attempt to restore my faith in womanfolk

In return I’ll be like Popeye, who’ll truly spoil his Olive Oyl.

PS: If you are running from the law; probation officers; debt collectors; under restraining orders; a recovering addict; a convicted shoplifter; a materialistic shopaholic; or a two-timing pathological liar –

do not waste my time!

“That Ad’s a real attention grabber, right?” He nosed towards the newspaper that lay centre of the interview table where two stony-faced Detectives sat opposite.

“So okay, I bullshitted a bit. Who doesn’t with ’em ads?” He shrugged.

“Are you the Fun Police? Did I break some law by not being politically correct? Coz this arrest is bullshit. Bet my Ex put you up to this? Are you sleeping with her too? She does that when you’re out at sea.”He crossed inked arms over a barrel chest as he leaned back into his seat. “I know she’s jealous I’m moving on without her, now our divorce is done-n-dusted.”

The Detective slid the page closer and tapped at the advertisement.

“I see, it’s that last line in the Ad you don’t like.” His eyes shone as lips flattened into a smirk. “Suppose I shouldn’t have used all her numbers and email addresses as my contact details.”