‘Not talking about condoms.’

‘Recruitment companies?’

‘I said umbrella. You know, the portable shade structure created a thousand of years ago, used only by the ancient Egyptian aristocrats. Obviously, waterproofing and storm strength wasn’t needed in the land of sand with this piece of — ’

‘Are you having an umbrella moment?’

‘A what?’

‘An umbrella moment. Remember Britney’s head-shaving-then-bash-a-car-with-a-brolly moment. Bieber did it too when he threatened his fans with an umbrella.’

‘I’ll hit you in a minute.’

‘Well, you’re no Mary Poppins then? You’re more like the angry Penguin from Batman.’

‘And this isn’t a duck moment either because I’m not deflecting water. With my luck, I bet this bent storm-stick’ll attract more lightning than repel rain, and really make this day shine.’

‘They say opening an umbrella indoors is bad luck.’

‘Then someone forgot to tell the Chinese who hang open paper parasols indoors to attract good fortunes. And they’ve been making umbrellas for hundreds of years you’d think they’d invent a parasol that can handle 100 k storm winds?’

‘They do. But only the rich can afford them, which is a repeat of the umbrella’s humble history.’

‘Yeah, the Egyptian slaves bolted at the sight of a brolly to dodge the nobles. Bugger it, let’s go splash puddles and I’ll race you home.’

‘Are you channeling Gene Kelly? Better yet, can you aim for some Rhianna’s umbrella moves?’

‘P**s Off!’

‘And a happy Umbrella day to you too.’

FYI – Umbrella Day is 10th of February. So put a paper umbrella in your cocktail and dance like …