“I’s drunk enough that I’m gonna need help pourin’ me liquor I’ve spilled across my kitchen table. Swear the glass moved, always missin’ the insides. Think it’s cursed – I tell ya. Like the rest of this damned kitchen.
Now I’ve gone and lost the damned lid off the bottle. Bet it’s run-off with the dish ‘n spoon, like the rest of the bloody kitchen. I tell ya, I’s can’t find nothin’ no more.
Swear I’m gonna put a permanent lock on them kitchen cupboards that never shut. Tired of their shenanigans. Bet they’re partying harder in the pantry with the rest of them skeletons peeking at me through them key holes meant for keys that’ve never been found.
Now don’t let the common flatware act fool ya. And don’t get me started on the China – that’s too much crockery for one conversation. I tell ya they’re planning a coup in the cupboard, ever since the missus run-off with the good stuff, leavin’ me with a frying pan and some Tupperware containers that I swear she’ll be demandin’ a ransom for the return of ‘em missing lids.
Nah, forget I ever asked for someone to help pour my grog. I’s thinks I’ve had enough to try an’ stagger outta this kitchen tonight. Might make it to the couch for a change, coz I can’t sleep in the bedroom –there’s stacks more ghosts in there.”
(Image courtesy of The Daily Mail, Australia.)